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DEAR ABBY: I have known my husband my whole life. We have been married 20 years and have three teenage children. Last year, I caught him cheating. Turned out he had been with someone for seven years. Our children and I were devastated, and he swore up and down he’d never do it again.
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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 12 years and our relationship has started to suffer. We no longer have dates, we don’t spend any time talking with each other unless it’s about the kids, and the intimacy has faded.
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DEAR ABBY: I have been interested in a woman for several years. During that time, I have dated her and helped her with her house. Today she called and asked me to walk her dog. I had to decline because I couldn’t fit it in. She sent me two emails, back-to-back: “Thanks, Fred, but one thing I’m sure of -- anyone who isn’t a friend of my dog is no friend of mine. Where’s your Christian service now? I don’t want you to check on my dog or me ever! You are a selfish guy who couldn’t take a five-minute drive on a 60-degree day, and I hope I won’t hear from you ever again. I wish you all the best. Enjoy sitting around taking care of you, yourself. Bye.”
Read moreDEAR HARRIETTE: My young adult child finally moved out of my house this summer. He finished college a few years ago and has just gotten on his feet with a job. It looks like he is starting his life off well. The issue I’m having is that he left his room a mess. Not only is it not tidy, but he left all kinds of stuff behind, everything from old CDs to clothing, books and random other stuff. I do not want to have to keep his door closed. In fact, I want to convert his room into a guest room. He will be allowed to stay there if he visits overnight, but he still lives in our town, so that is unlikely. I know he will be upset if I dump his stuff, but something’s got to give. How should I get him to take action? -- Clean It Out DEAR CLEAN IT OUT: Give your son a deadline for coming to empty his room, and be crystal clear about it. Tell him that you are about to convert his room into a guest room. Make sure he knows he is welcome to use it when he visits, but it will no longer be his. Note the date after which you will clear out his room. Tell him and email or text him the date so that he has clarity on your plan. Ask him to come help you remove the contents of the room. Point out that whatever he doesn’t collect will be donated or discarded. A week before the date, remind your son of your plan to dump the room’s contents. Urge him to help you. He filled the room. You should not be responsible for emptying it on your own. If he doesn’t show, get help and get rid of the items. ** DEAR HARRIETTE: I was so engaged in the political theater of our world that I got overwhelmed. Ever since January, I have not paid as close attention. I know that’s not right, and I see the impact on my kids. They were accustomed to my husband and me debating the actions of the former president or the status of the United States Supreme Court. We did get riled up about Roe v. Wade, but we haven’t been involved much. I want my children to be part of the political process. How can we get our interest back? -- Political Burnout DEAR POLITICAL BURNOUT: Many people have gotten worn out by the intensity of politics in the past few years, regardless of their political affiliation. But the beauty and gift of the United States is that we do have the right to talk about and engage in the political system. This is not true in some parts of the world. Get creative to get back in the game. You may want to look at the international headlines and encourage your children to learn about governments in other parts of the world. Compare their rights to ours. Look at the issues we share with other countries and those that are different. Pay attention on a local level. Invite your kids to go with you to city council meetings and other local political events so that they can learn about how government works where you live. Research local and national organizations that align with your values, and consider joining. You do not have to be glued to the television, agonizing over the daily headlines. Get involved.
Read moreI sometimes envy people who have a family home to return to, a place where they grew up, where their parents or even their grandparents lived. The closest thing I have is the farmhouse where my mother grew up. My grandparents lived there until they died, and my mother’s older brother, Andy, and his wife, Bea, live there still, despite everyone’s insistence that, at 90, Andy might want to think about moving to a place with fewer stairs, a little bit closer to town. “I’ve lived here almost all my life!” Andy says. “Why should I move now?” People could say, “Well, because you’re 90 years old, and you broke your leg a year ago and it’s a big old house for a couple of people who are no longer young.” But most people don’t bother to say that because it wouldn’t change Andy’s mind. He likes sitting in the kitchen. He can watch the birds on the feeders that Bea keeps stocked with seeds and look out on the fields that used to be filled with peas or soybeans but are now horse pasture. He can see where the barn used to be before he tore it down rather than have it collapse on itself. He’s got things the way he likes them, and he doesn’t see the point in upsetting the applecart -- that’s my guess. Mother moved to the farmhouse when she was young. She had 10 siblings, and that was a lot of kids to keep track of. This is why I cannot really blame my grandparents for failing to update the youngest three on the exact date of the move. The school bus dropped them off at their house, but everyone was gone. They didn’t know what to do. My mother was the oldest of the three, and they sat together on a roll of linoleum until someone came and brought them to the new farmhouse. That was a very long time ago, and my uncle Andy has been there ever since. The home I grew up in was sold long ago. When I married Peter, I sold my house, and we lived together in his home. We sold Peter’s place when we moved to the city. Then we started coming to Mexico. Last night, I realized my idea of home was, once again, changing. This little apartment that we do not own -- where we have no more than two matching plates and bowls -- this place feels more and more like coming home. Jorge, who owns the hotel we stay in, was raised here with even more siblings than my mother had. There were 13 of them, and they all grew up in the home that occupied this space that Jorge has converted into eight apartments. Jorge lives here still, in a small apartment in the front, always available if a guest arrives late or loses a key or has any of the problems hotel guests are prone to. There is a lot about this hotel that does not seem like a proper business establishment. There is a lot of unnecessary kindness and art and laughter. I think it is because this is -- and will remain -- Jorge’s home. Sitting at the front desk in the afternoons, Jorge is always delighted to see everyone, delighted to share his home. I don’t think it has to make sense any more than Andy’s choice to remain in the farmhouse kitchen. Home is where you find it. Home is what you know. Home is where you feel at ease. That makes sense to me. Till next time, Carrie
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Hello again, dear readers, and welcome back to our monthly letters column. We’re in the heart of summer now, and with extreme heat affecting so many parts of the nation, we hope you are doing what you can to stay safe. The heat has generated a lot of mail, and we’ll have a column next week to address your concerns. This includes precautions and strategies, as well as warning signs of heat-related illness.
Read moreDEAR ABBY: I made a friend six years ago on social media. We have never actually met in person, but we have stayed in touch. She began contacting me on a daily basis about a year ago, which was great at the time, because I took a few years off work to care for my baby. It was lovely to converse with another adult as a stay-at-home parent. She’s a very nice lady who is old enough to be my mother but, unfortunately, suffers from severe agoraphobia. She rarely leaves her house. Her window to the world is her cellphone.
Read morePolling consistently shows a strong share of Oklahoma voters identify as conservatives. Therefore, Republican candidates do as well, if for no other reason than political self-preservation.
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